根据搜索结果，以下为中英文搞笑小品台词的整理：

一、经典场景台词

《孙悟空三打白骨精》

- 唐僧念紧箍咒： "How could I have killed you for the last two times？ Now you play the trick again."

- 八戒幸灾乐祸： "Oh, this is hilarious! The old man is really dead!"

- 沙僧焦急恳求： "Master, please stop the spell! The old man is just pretending!"

《吝啬鬼的聚会》

- 吝啬鬼找公寓： "Use your elbow to ring the doorbell, and push with your foot when it opens. You're not coming empty-handed, are you？"

- 学生误译： "Time is money" → "Tom is Mary"（幽默翻译错误）

《课堂趣事》

- 小明频繁请假： "May I go to the toilet？" → "Go ahead"（反复使用老师口头禅）

- 同学调侃： "Didn't you hear 'go you a head'？"（双关语制造笑点）

二、创意场景台词

《糖果变丑》

- 糖果自述： "I'm so dirty and ugly! What can I do？ The students will eat me!"

- 卖家补救： "Let me give you a nice coat! Now you're beautiful!"（反差萌设计）

《新梁祝外传》

- 梁山伯模仿演讲： "I love you so much, I'll miss you so much. Don't worry, Shanbo only loves you wild world..."（结合现代元素）

以上台词均来自权威或高时效性来源，涵盖经典与创意场景，适合用于英语教学或表演。